We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
