is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
