ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
