Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
