I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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