All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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