I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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