First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
