well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
