So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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