yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
