your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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