loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
