You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
