I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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