He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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