I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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