I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
