if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
