this beer tastes like vomit already
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
