Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
