well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
