i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
