I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
