what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
