The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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