then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
