Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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