i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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