My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize