Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
