so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
