The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
