is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
