Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(727): View more from Florida

Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.

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(303): View more from Colorado

i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury

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(660): View more from Missouri

I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah

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(972): View more from Texas

The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.

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(613): View more from Ontario

Her only article of clothing is an American Flag

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(541): View more from Oregon

By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late

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(705): View more from Ontario

IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!

(1-705): View more from Ontario

Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.

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