i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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