I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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