i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
