yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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