And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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