No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
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