I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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