i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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