I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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