Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
