Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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