she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
