You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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