I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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