Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
