My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize