that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
