tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
