the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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