Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize