Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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