i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
