there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
