we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
