just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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