I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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