No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
