brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
