i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize