even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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