only you would photoshop your dick
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
