so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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