If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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