Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
