That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
