The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
