They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
