awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
